dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
