saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
even my farts smell like vagina
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize