Your tits are I can't wait for
just tell him i said nine months
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
