You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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