Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
