Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
