FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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