I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
