I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
