I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
