i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
