we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
