it wasn't lemon gatorade
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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