Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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