We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
