I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
