How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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