We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
