I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
