am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
