my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
