so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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