yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
