youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
