doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
