It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
