Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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