brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
