Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
