And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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