Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
