Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
