I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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