i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
