He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
