TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
