It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
