Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
