hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
