so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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