If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
