I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
