I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
