If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
