someone get that fucking seahorse.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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