i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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