im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
God, I missed his penis.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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