I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
no, he came in my armpit
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
