I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
