I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
