i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
