At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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