it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
