Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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