so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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