When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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