Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
