i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
