Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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