Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fuck your aforementioned shoe
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
