after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
