I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
