the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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