Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
