ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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