I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
