You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Pants are for mortals
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
