so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
