It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize