I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
