you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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