I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The best revenge is premature balding
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize