You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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