Midget sex pt 2 tonight
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
