He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I skipped work to stalk him.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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