I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
