I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
