i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
True strength comes from lack of pants
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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