If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
