Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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