At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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