Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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