You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
