I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
