even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
