I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm passing your future prison.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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