I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
