I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
