Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
