come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
