I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
