When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
