This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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