don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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