I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
