god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
