The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
