she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
