my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sorry my hands just texted you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
